Miscommunication

I remember right before my freshman year in college I went to a new hairdresser. It was a hip, funky place smack dab within the hippest, funkiest spot in town. I saved up for months…wasn’t cheap. I wanted to make a good impression on…stop. As a good friend of mine says, who am I kidding? I wanted to meet boys.

So off I went, hoping to get a new do pretty enough to cause young men’s hearts to flutter. I slid into my seat. What were you thinking, said the neon-haired man. (That should have told me something.) I don’t know, I said airily, something cute. Something swingy. What I got was over permed and colored, not swishy at all. When I said “cute” I meant Farrah. The hair dresser obviously had something else in mind.

Which brings me to our dance routine. What Gary and I wanted was collaboration between our wonderful teacher and us. We knew we couldn’t do the whole thing…we have no experience with choreography, and of course she knows way more steps than we do. What we did want, however, was the freedom to create our own story line and work out some of our own steps, and in fact, had started that process.

Unfortunately, there was miscommunication. Our dance studio wants control over all choreography. I get that; every showcase is a representation of their studio. What Gary and I had hoped for was that collaboration would be acceptable, since our teacher would have been part of it. But that was not the case; either our instructor designed it entirely, or the routine was not to be. And since Gary and I do want input, we are not going to do it.

Sigh. Miscommunication happens all the time, especially when both parties are vested in the outcome. Looking back, I think we both heard what we wanted to hear; I know our teacher was as disappointed as we were.

I think this has been a very good lesson. Communication is always important, but especially so with someone you see every week in a business setting. Every week is the key. Most professional people you see only once in awhile, so you don’t have to remind yourself that if you are paying someone to do something, it is a business relationship. Duh. But with someone you see every week it becomes easy to forget that. You get sloppy. You communicate in half sentences like you would to a best friend or sister.

Not to say you can’t mix friendship and business…you can…but whenever you are paying someone it is first and foremost about the business. We thought we explained ourselves to our instructor, but we did it very quickly after a lesson. She’ll get it, we thought. She knows us. She understands what we want.

But she didn’t.

Learning to dance is an intimate experience. You are touching. You see each other every week. You are exposing your weaknesses. It is easy to fall into a belief that you’re all just hanging out. But you can’t expect a business relationship to be like one with your mom, your sister, or your best friend…they are not going to be able to fill in communication gaps. Again, not that you can’t mix friendship and business, or that you can’t have a friendly business relationship, but ask yourself this: if you are not seeing that person socially other than within the setting you are paying them, then what you have first and foremost is a business relationship.

So like that hairdresser, you have to be very clear about what you want. Anything less isn’t fair to them, and it can only end in what happened with us… disappointment on both sides.

Saying that, we of course will continue our lessons, sadder and wiser. Because Gary and I both still feel Melissa is The Best Dance Teacher In All The World.