Introducing the Dancing Curmudgeon

For some time now an acquaintance of mine has been asking for airtime. I’ve been reluctant – I’m a nice guy (in spite of how bland that sounds) and I like things to stay…nice. I’m not Polly Anna, though – it’s obvious things go wrong, sometimes very wrong, but in general I like to be…nice about it. Finally, though, I agreed to (under strict moderation) allow a guest writer to voice his opinions about dance, dancers, and dancing venues. So, may I introduce to you – the Dance Curmudgeon.

The proprietors of this blog asked me to start off by introducing myself. I am that voice in the back of everyone’s head – dancer and non-dancer – that notices every fool, folly, and frustration everywhere and all the time. I am a grouch and I’m okay with that. Hey, it’s the grouches of the world who draw attention to the truly incomprehensible and stupid things that we all have to endure. While you might stifle this part of your inner self – I don’t. If I were more enlightened I might claim that this was because I believe stuffing your true feelings is detrimental to my mental health…but that’s not the reason I say what I think. I say what I think because I think it and I’m not ashamed to say so.

So, with the proper shelter provided for the duo that run this blog I can get down to business – and I’m opening that business with a simple question: Why can’t people say what they mean?

This particular beef comes from two dances that I attended this weekend…and before my hosts start to get jittery, I’m not going to name names. Still I feel the need to say something – somebody ought to and I’m not the sort to left something I feel ought to be done remain undone.

I went to an event this past Friday that was billed as including every sort of swing – at least which was what the title implied. Though I’m not given to fits of wild enthusiasm, I did have a modicum of hope for this dance. I like to swing – I don’t tango, waltz, fox trot, polka, or hula…I do East Coast swing and that’s it. I figured I’d get 50% or even 33% of the dances and I was good with that since I am considerate of the fact that everyone in the world doesn’t conform to my tastes.

The problem is, when the music started it was all – I kid you not – all West Coast swing. What happened to my ‘any swing’? I paid my ten bucks to spend a night with the wallflowers watching other people dance? Here’s the deal – I like getting what I pay for. If I buy a hotdog I want a hotdog, if I go to a Schwarzenegger flick I expect to see at least one explosion, and if I go to an ‘all swings’ dance I want to get an opportunity to dance more than one type of swing. I’m sure all of you educated folks are the same way. If you ran a restaurant called Bill’s Taco Shack, you’d serve tacos. If you put on a production of Faust, you’d provide a few shrieking sopranos and an appearance by Old Scratch. So, why would a dance be different? An event that’s billed as all sorts of swing darn well ought to have East Coast, West Coast, Western Swing, and Lindy Hop and if it’s not going to have that - change the name!

Maybe you’re saying, ‘DC, you’re getting all bent out of shape about a single dance…surely there are more dances where the organizers do the right thing than the wrong thing.’ I’d agree - if it wasn’t for the fact that something very similar happened the very next day.

This time it wasn’t the musical selection – that was fine. This time it involved a bit of impromptu patriotism. I’m fine with patriotism. I’m a patriot. I like my country. Hell, I even love it. So I had no problem when there was an announcement that there’d be an observation of Armed Forces Day – heck, the men and women who put their lives on the line whenever the dunderheads in Washington decide they ought. I even was okay with reciting the 'Pledge of Allegiance' - but I would like to point out that ‘God Bless America’ and ‘Proud to be an American’ by Lee Greenwood aren’t the same thing unlike what the DJ of this event indicated. Lee Greenwood might be a fine guy but whatever he is, he’s not Irving Berlin. In my mind ‘Proud to be an American’ is only linked to patriotism through the Bush administration’s social engineering attempts and, frankly, social engineering doesn’t sound patriotic or American to me.

In short I believe that everyone out there dancing ought to get the benefit of knowing what they’re paying for. Money’s tight these days and with the price of everything going up, nobody can afford to pay ten bucks to find out what they paid for isn’t as advertised. Also, I think that once you’re in an event – though you may be subject to the whims of its organizers – you ought to be treated like you didn’t just fall off the proverbial potato truck. Come on, give Irving some airtime and let Lee polish his boots for a few (dozen) years.